Monday, October 02, 2006

On Being The Over-dramatic Feminist and Lack of Male Support

I am loud and often obnoxious. I'm bawdy, crude, and sometimes (most of the time) downright mean. Still, I feel that most of what I say needs to be said. I may be the churlish, strident, frigid feminazi of everyone's strawfeminist dreams, but my image is not something I'm worried about when I truly feel like a feminist issue has arisen. At that point, I care much less about being liked and much more about being heard. I would think that would be how anyone would act, right? Isn't that the normal protocol?

So anyway, this still comes back to Bob once again. Not to him specifically, no, because his actions have had such a ripple effect on me and my group of friends that posts that mention him are rarely about him anymore. This one happens to be about ,that's right, you guessed it:

Being called over-dramatic for being vehemently against anti-feminist and anti-woman values and wanting said opposition to be heard loud and clear! Yaaaaaay!

As I've already said before, I've been the "Crazy-ass bitch of society" for my dislike of Bob, who really is just a great funny guy. It goes deeper though. That's not all I am.

Either way, I've been having a bit of a rough time lately trying to balance feministing with compatibility with the world and people around me. I've been trying to figure out what battles to pick and which ones to leave alone, I guess you could say, and why I choose the battles I choose. In doing this, I've come across a roadblock or two and it's been a rough time. So, now that you have my mood backstory, and of course you already know Bob's awful backstory.

Everyone knows I hate this kid. I've stated publicly that if he died in a fire it would be absolutely no skin off my nose.

So anyway, the story this time goes like this:

The tables in the lunch area at my high school are made to be really long lines by pushing several of them together. Bob usually sits one and a half to two tables away from me and mine. That's fine. He can sit there. I tolerate his existence as long as he doesn't do much to make it extremely known. I do not want him any closer to me than he already is.

So, Friday comes along. My one ally in this whole debacle, "Pam", is absent and I miss her terribly. I go to sit at my lunch table, and lo and behold, who is sitting there? BOB! I look around, look at my boyfriend, he looks back at me, and just sits down. The "What the hell?" look is fixed firmly on my face, but I'm not quite sure how to react. I certainly can't just ignore the presence of someone that I hate with the fire of a thousand suns sitting right in front of me like we're old friends.

Now, I don't seek him out to bother him. I don't do horrible things to him, even though I could. I could go to where he works and tell the girl exactly what he did to her because I know what her name is and where they both work, but I haven't and don't intend to. I could beat his ass afterschool if I truly wanted to. I don't want to and don't intend to plan any sort of beating. Mostly, all I want is for him to stay away from me. That's all. That's not so unreasonable is it?

So why is it that when I tell my boyfriend and my guy friends that I can't stand him and want him to go away, they look at me like I'm over-dramatic, intolerant, and unreasonable? I should just "look the other way"? IT DOESN'T HELP, THANKS. I know he's there, and I still hate him. He did not have to sit where he was sitting. He had other places that he could easily go. He has to know how much I hate him, yet he still sat right there.

I didn't say anything out of respect for my boyfriend, who seems to be uncomfortable with confrontations. However, I surely missed my friend "Pam", because she would have said something and then the burden of responsibility for my boyfriend's discomfort (which I don't understand anyway and which will be addressed shortly) would have been elsewhere. Still, I bit my tongue clean off and dealt.

The problem I have is that I feel entirely unsupported in my hatred and my desire for Bob to stay the hell away from me. The only person who really has my back in this endeavor is "Pam", which I appreciate greatly. However, it's still the same barrier. We're still only two strident bitches with our panties in a knot because of something that "doesn't concern us". I just wish that I could get some support from my boyfriend, first and foremost, and if not him than perhaps from some of my other male friends. It's not required for me to still hate him, but it would just be nice if I could see some chipping away at the good ol' boys club.

Am I being unreasonable? Is it me, or am I not getting the amount of support that I should be getting, especially from people who should be giving much more than they are? I bet that if I asked any one of those guys if they would hate him as bad as I hate Bob if he did what he did to their sister/girlfriend/niece/etc., they wouldn't laugh it off and call me unreasonable.

I guess you have to be of the hymen-having gender to really get it.


Steve said...

If I was there I would have asked him to move.

...and if he did it to MY sister, i'd be going back to prison.

I've got your back.

Megan said...

I know you got my back, Steven. Thanks. It really does mean a lot. <3

Danie said...

I've got your back from way over here in Tampa! It's some shit that Drew didn't even understand your reasons behind not wanting "the douche bag" at your table. If it were me, I would have gotten up and left.

Steve said...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, go easy on Drew.

It's not like he was high fiving the guy, and what did you really expect him to do, kick his ass?

Emily said...

Bob is a butt plug. Tell him I said that!

Megan said...

If I get the chance to talk to him, I'll tell him, Emily.


That was my sister. She's got the big sis over protective thing. Cut her a break.

Also, if you're asking me what I expected him to do, well, I certainly wasn't expecting him to say "Just don't look over there" and sit me down on his knee and treat me like I was making a big deal out of nothing or like it's easy to ignore the presence of a person that you hate with quite a few fibers of your being. If your girlfriend felt extremely uncomfortable around someone, would you just say "Oh, ignore it, honey! Just don't look at him teheehee!"? It's not a matter of his lack of aggression toward him, it's the fact that my discomfort and feelings were downplayed so that he could wander around the ranks of those who know his douchebaggery and are the only ones to really stand up and oppose it with impunity. The fact is, I respect him enough, despite my great hatred of him, to simply stay away from him. He obviously cannot give me the same consideration even though he has to know I despise him. Drew was fine with that and it pisses me off. The least he could do was commiserate with me a little bit and say "Yeah, he really shouldn't be here". At the VERY least that's what he shoudl have said. But instead I got "Just don't look at him". Ignore the fact that he's a douchebag and has no consideration for anyone and let me patronize you in the process.

I have a right to be pissed and my sister was not exactly off the mark. Speaking of hyperbole, it's not exactly like I've disowned Drew for this or anything, so I think we can get off the exaggeration horse now.