Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Bwahahahahahaha!!!! Too Good!


Arynne. said...

My mom told me this story and I thought of you. Okay, here goes.

My mom was married to her first husband, who happened to be a Navy Chaplin. So, she went to this huge fancy schmancy party (like, I'm talking semi formal) the military was hosting. She walked to the party, because it was on the base, and she lived on the base. It wasn't that far, like 3/4 of a mile. Any, her feet hurt though. So, she gets to the party, and a couple had brought their baby. They invited, well forced, her to hold it. And she said, "Oh, sure I'll hold it. Are you going to lay down a blanket and put the baby down."

"Oh, no. We couldn't do that. The floor is so dirty."

"Well, I'm a nurse, and I'll tell you that the baby is going to pick up more germs from me than from the floor, and it's not as if she can crawl, and you would, of course, be placing the child on the blanket you have in your diaper bag."

"Well, we ARE her parents and we think we would know what's good for her."

"I don't particularly want to hold your baby. It is your baby, and you do know what is good for her. In fact, I'm wearing a white dress. Your child just ate a half hour ago, she is only two weeks old, and your she is moving her bowels, and I would rather not get baby feces on me."

"I can't BELIEVE how rude you are. So, your saying you don't want to hold my baby."

"Yes, now please take her, she is shitting all over my dress."

"Well, I never. You're being ridiculous."

Then, the womans husband interjects, "Omigod, she's right. The baby is pooping on her."

"No, I lied to you. Please take your daughter."

My mom hates other people's kids. It's like, sure, I love MY kids, but I could give a shit less about yours.
"Yes, and now it has seeped through to my stockings, please take your child."

Megan said...

OMG I don't think I'm ever going to stop laughing.