Arizona Wants to Ban Multiculturalism

You read that correctly. Arizona wants to ban teaching multiculturalism, whether that be through academic curricula or student groups, at all public schools, universities, and community colleges. But here's the kicker: This ban is an amendment to their homeland security bill. Because if you're not only learning about White people, you're one step closer to flying an airplane into a skyscraper! First, I'll tell you what the bill states. Then, I'll offer you helpful translations.

A primary purpose of public education is to inculcate values of American citizenship.

Translation: Repeat after me, boys and girls -- White is right! White is right! White is right!

Public tax dollars used in public schools should not be used to denigrate American values and the teachings of western civilization.

Translation: Harriet Tubman was a dirty Commie. So was Sacajawea for that matter. You know what? Throw Shirley Chisholm on that list too. And don't even get me started on Bayard Rustin. Oh, who am I kidding? Nobody learns about these people in school anyway.

Public tax dollars should not be used to promote political, religious, ideological or cultural beliefs or values as truth when such values are in conflict with the values of American citizenship and the teachings of western civilization.

Translation: American civil rights movement = political ideology. Europeans coming to a land uninvited (but nonetheless welcomed) and then murdering, raping, and enslaving American Indians and Africans = values of American citizenship.

A public school in this state shall not include within the program of instruction any courses, classes or school sponsored activities that promote, assert as truth or feature as an exclusive focus any political, religious, ideological or cultural beliefs or values that denigrate, disparage or overtly encourage dissent from the values of American democracy and western civilization, including democracy, capitalism, pluralism and religious toleration.

Translation: You can be a lesbian if you want to. Just don't bitch to us about how you have fewer rights than your heterosexual counterparts, and don't even think about learning how to fix that. Not that I'm saying America needs to fix anything . . . . Um . . . go Yankees?

This section does not prohibit the inclusion of diverse political, religious, ideological or cultural beliefs or values if the course, class or school sponsored activity as a whole does not denigrate, disparage or overtly encourage dissent from the values of American democracy and western civilization.

Translation: OK, so you can major in Women's Studies, but you can't talk about America's misogynistic past and present -- especially not the present! I mean, present? What misogynistic present? America has no faults! Never has, never will! U-S-A! U-S-A!

A public school in this state, a university under the jurisdiction of the Arizona board of regents and a community college under the jurisdiction of a community college district in this state shall not allow organizations to operate on the campus of the school, university or community college if the organization is based in whole or in part on race-based criteria.

Translation: Sorry, Black Student Union. Try out for the basketball team instead. Black people like basketball, right? Let me ask Mitt Romney. He's talked to more Black people than I have, and it shows!

But there's something you can do! Even if you don't live in Arizona, you can still contact Arizona's Speaker of the House and tell them what you think.